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You may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife…


You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

-Talking Heads “Once in a Lifetime”

About five to six months into my pregnancy, I found myself feeling sort of, well “normal”, the problem was that no one around me was treating me that way including my husband and this left me feeling really isolated. I had all these thoughts about the politics, my project at work, books, the weather, and a whole slew of other non-pregnancy related topics, but all I found myself discussing was how I was feeling, what was going on with the baby, and what the plans for post-birth were.

That’s when I had the “pregnant wife” versus “wife” conversation with my husband. I related it to math – because who doesn’t think in mathematical terms?!? As you may remember from math class, a square is a rectangle, but a rectangle is not necessarily a square. Similarly, a “pregnant wife” is a “wife”, but a “wife” is not necessarily a “pregnant wife”, and I was very much missing my role as just “wife“.

My husband had been trying so hard to be supportive and nurturing to me during my pregnancy that I had completely lost my identity as just his wife in his eyes – I was only the pregnant wife version of myself. While some women may enjoy being treated as breakable and put on a pedestal by their husbands, I have always enjoyed our banter, our equal partnership, and our ability to be individuals while still coexisting and loving each other.

To support his ability to see me as just his wife, I have thus far refused to pull the “pregnancy card” for something that I could have done, but didn’t feel like doing – only for things like going up 16 ft ladders and cleaning out the cat litter (this is not to say that I particularly enjoy cat litter duty normally). I’m sure there will come a point in the later part of my pregnancy where the list of can’t-do’s gets longer than the list of can-do’s, but for now, I’m enjoying having my normal position in the relationship back, and perhaps a little witty banter in-between the kicks in the ribs…

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