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Obsessive Compulsive Preparation


I like to plan. I have always liked to plan, I will always like to plan, not having plans drives me nuts. So why wouldn’t I go into a maniacal state of preparation and planning after making one of the biggest decisions of my life – to try to have a baby?!? I say maniacal because I reached the point during this one month period of Obsessive Compulsive Preparation (OCP) where somewhere in the back of my typically calm brain, the suppressed rationality started to scream. It started to yell out in its tiny smothered voice “you’ve gone insane!” How did I get to this state you ask? Well that’s an easy question that can be answered in two words — the internet.

The internet which is normally my trusted companion to all things rational and factual — what is the date of Washington’s birthday? who wrote Shogun? when is the movie? where is that restaurant my friend told me to try? — had failed me. There are: articles from news outlets, blogs, forums, Q&A sites, doctor’s sites, new age doctor’s sites, medical clinics/hospitals/insurance sites, nutritionist sites, mommy sites. You name it, there is a site. I went into an information overload panic which not only caused a great amount of emotional and mental stress, but lead to the aforementioned maniacal state.

My husband was a saint and very comforting, the one girlfriend I had decided to confide in spent countless hours listening to me freaking out, and I spent many hours awake at night staring at the ceiling and meditating on the number of ways I could harm my yet-to-be-conceived child. Why? Because everyone has an opinion, and through the wonders of technology everyone’s opinion is available for you to hear. I know this is an ironic statement given that I’m writing a blog post, but I really wanted to reach out to my fellow rational thinkers and say “Stop, breath, listen to that little rational voice in your head, and realize that though there are a number of ways to harm a fetus, if you’re this worried about them and you’re not even pregnant yet, you’ll do great.”

Next step… Actual Planning.

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